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Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

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Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF 

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Dear Deidre

I ASKED a close friend of my husband to massage my sore muscles and it led to amazing sex. It was the last thing I intended.

I am 31 and married to a good man, but he has been a bit distant lately and there has been almost no sex.

He is 31 as well and we have been married for seven years.

This friend of my husband did some training as a masseur, although he moved on to become a personal trainer. He is 29 and has no partner at the moment, so we invite him round for a meal sometimes.

On this particular evening my husband had a call from work about an emergency and knew he would have to go out later.

But we didn’t like to put this friend off so we decided he should come anyway.

We ate our meal together then my husband went off to his meeting about an hour’s drive away.

The friend and I were chatting and I told him I had a problem with my leg. The physiotherapist had prescribed me some special exercises but despite doing these, my leg was still hurting.

He suggested massaging it for me, so we opened out the sofa bed and I lay down with my legs bare.

It felt really good and I was the most relaxed I have felt for ages.

He said my whole body seemed tense and gradually moved his hands upwards. I think I actually let out a moan of contentment and this might have encouraged him.

The massage became more and more intense and he said it would feel better without my clothes on. So I took them off.

The result was that we had the most incredible sex — like I’ve not had in years.

I had no intention of cheating but strangely I don’t feel guilty at all. I just don’t know where I go from here.

MOST READ IN DEAR DEIDRE

DEIDRE SAYS: Where you go from here depends on the state of your marriage.

If you love the husband you say is a good man, you would be wise to tell this guy what happened was out of order and will not happen again.

Then make sure you stick to your resolve by avoiding being alone with him any time your husband invites him round. Meanwhile, put some effort into your marriage.

Not having good sex can easily become a habit. Talk to your husband.

Tell him you miss the physical closeness you two used to have and suggest trying the ideas in my e-leaflet Saving Your Sex Life.

Give your relationship a general overhaul too.

Are you spending enough enjoyable time together? Are you sharing the day-to-day running of your home and your lives generally, or has it all become so separate that you rarely do anything as a couple?

If so, you know what to do.

TOPIC FOR TODAY

I OFTEN hear from people worried the way they have sex isn’t normal.

Nothing is wrong as long as both people enjoy it – but one person’s fancy can repel the other.

My e-leaflet Kinky Sex Worries? can help you find a compromise.

Email me at problems@deardeidre.org.

Parents nag me to have a family

Dear Deidre

I HAVE a carefree life with no relationship ties but parents and friends keep asking why I have not settled down and “grown up”.

I am 35. I have always been comfortable living a bachelor life. I have had sex with numerous women – that’s not difficult because I travel a lot in my work and I get on well with people.

I have a great job, a nice house and earn good money. In spite of this, my parents constantly question me.

The last thing I want is to come home to a regular partner and be part of her family. Neither do I want children. I have two nieces I am very fond of but generally children infuriate me.

If a girlfriend tries to get too close, I back off.

DEIDRE SAYS: Most parents want to see their children settled, especially when friends keep asking.

If you are content with your life, explain this to your parents clearly.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help you be assertive.

But if, deep down, you know that anxiety about getting “too close” is a problem, explore this with a counsellor. For details of reputable ones, see itsgoodtotalk.org.uk.

BECOME A FORCES PENPAL: My service has helped cheer up our lads for years – especially those serving overseas. Find out how to join in here.

I resent hubby's son from his fling

Dear Deidre

MY husband had an affair that resulted in a little boy, who is now aged four.

I was devastated at the time but took him back when he agreed to have nothing to do with the child.

It has since worked out differently. He wanted to see if his son looked like him or our two children, who are nine and 11.

As a result, he now sees him regularly and is allowed to take him out.

He also gives the mother money for him and spends a fortune on presents.

I resent the child so much, I cannot even bring myself to say his name.

I feel he puts that boy first, ahead of our kids. I am now 36 and my husband is 37.

DEIDRE SAYS: I understand your hurt about your husband’s affair but this boy is innocent and needs a loving dad.

Tell your husband you need help now from a Relate couples counsellor if your marriage is to survive his cheating (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234).

Try then to welcome this little boy into your home.

Your children may be very happy to get to know their little half-brother.

Daughter of dad's girlfriend fancies me

Dear Deidre

MY dad and his girlfriend are setting up home together. I am all right with that except her daughter, who is 19, has told my best friend she really, really likes me.

I am a guy of 20 and a bit puzzled about what to do and how things will work out.

This daughter and I get on really well and normally I would be interested, but it wouldn’t surprise me if her mum and my dad got married.

I know this would not make her and me blood relatives but it does feel a bit weird.

Her mum has said that she is OK with it but it still does feel a bit weird.

DEIDRE SAYS: There is no legal bar to your having a relationship with this girl but if you are not feeling the way you think she does, be careful not to give her wrong messages.

Be brotherly and not flirtatious.

You all have to try to get along together and the last thing you need is more emotional complications.

Husband isn't interested since I got pregnant

Dear Deidre

I THOUGHT I would still be able to have regular sex even though I’m pregnant but my husband won’t come near me.

We’re both 33, with our first baby due in four months.

I started to show quickly and as soon as my husband could see my baby bump, our sex life vanished.

I asked him if he still fancies me and he said: “I’ve got to admit it, being pregnant isn’t a good look for you.”

I was gutted. I know I’ve piled on the pounds but I thought he’d like my curves.

I worry that if I don’t get my body back after having a baby, he may never want sex with me again.

DEIDRE SAYS: Tell him his words upset you and you can’t help your weight – it’s part of being pregnant.

Tell him you miss the intimacy and sex won’t harm the baby.

My e-leaflet on Couples Massage explains how you can enjoy intimacy without intercourse and get him used to your curvier shape.

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