DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has a fetish for leather and it’s led him to do some disgusting things.
We have been married for ten years and have always had what I thought was a normal and healthy sex life.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
He is 40, I am 39 and we have two young children.
A few months ago, my cousin, who is 23, came to stay with us for a few months while she looked for a job.
While she was here, her shoes went missing several times. She would always find them — but not where she had left them.
Once she picked up her ballet flats to find they had something wet on them.
She assumed she had stepped in something messy on the road, or that one of my kids had touched her shoes with their messy hands.
A few days after she left, I went to put on my favourite leather biker jacket, and noticed it had a small mark on one of the sleeves.
It had been hanging in the wardrobe in the spare room, and I knew it had been clean when I put it away.
When I mentioned it to my husband, he admitted he had a “thing” for leather.
I always knew he loved it when I wore leather, and that he really enjoyed the smell, but I had no idea it was sexual.
Then, to my horror, he told me that at night, while I was asleep, he would sneak into the spare room and pleasure himself over my jacket and with my cousin’s shoes.
Get in touch in Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
He wiped them afterwards, but missed a few spots.
I feel sick and violated. I don’t have a problem with fetishes — what I have a problem with is the lack of consent.
And the fact he did this with my cousin’s shoes feels like cheating.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly your husband’s behaviour is not acceptable, but it is understandable.
His fetish probably has its roots in his childhood, and he may not understand it himself.
Many people with secret fetishes feel ashamed or embarrassed by them, so he probably felt he couldn’t ask for your consent.
If you otherwise have a happy marriage and a good sex life, then this is something you can overcome together.
You need to talk to him about how this has made you feel and get assurance it will never happen again.
My support pack on fetishes will explain more, and might be useful for you both to read.
Perhaps he needs to buy some of his own leather items so he doesn’t use other people’s in the future.
READ TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I've fallen madly in love with my handsome doctor
READ DEIDRE'S NEW PHOTO CASEBOOK Georgia risks exposing her affair by letting Nick sleep over
GET IN TOUCH How the page works and how to contact us
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tbTErKynZpOke7a3jp2cmqpdmbKqsNGeZmpuYGd%2FeHyTaJ%2Bor12bsqa4jKGsrJqRo7G0ecuemK2glad6p7HToqqhZw%3D%3D